Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Only human

Even the most fortunate person on earth is bound to have insecurities. Why? Because she is only human. I have a lot to be thankful for. Heaven knows I am a thousand times better off than plenty of other people. But I am still only human. So forgive me for this tiny moment of weakness, of inferiority, of self-pity, and of envy.

I'm a spineless wimp. I'm a self-confessed people-pleaser, a pushover, and I am admittedly as gullible as a 6-year old. One particular incident yesterday has made that point very clear. I was immensely irritated by myself, and yes, I have tortured myself to tears. If I were my parents, I'd yell at myself and say that I couldn't possibly trust myself out in the real world because I'm too naive and too much of an airhead! Moreover, I'm turning 24 in 3 days but I've got nothing to show for -- no wow-worthy accomplishments, no money, no life. And the worse part is, I don't know where I'm going. I don't have a clue as to what I'm going to do. Thank heavens for prayers. It's about the only thing that I can do at this point. So, yeah, I'm pretty down already.

And then, browsing on facebook tonight has made me feel even worse. I confess, I am acting like a bitter teen. These are insignificant concerns. I myself know that I am being foolish and studpid. But foolish or no, stupid or not, they made me feel like crying.

So what exactly upset me?

1. The artwork tshirt contest winners page (in artwork.ph).
2. My cousin's photo shoot pictures.
3. My college friends' Palawan getaway.
4. My college friends' long list of photo comments.
5. My bf's group page.


1. I didn't win. Why on earth can I not think of designs like those??
2. Inggit. Wish I were as pretty as she is. I never look good in my pictures. Never did, never do.

3. I feel left out. and I miss my Manila friends.  
4,5. Again, inggit.

Forgive me for being so negative. My insecurities get the better of me sometimes. They suck. I suck. Sometimes, I just wish that somebody would give me a hug and say that none of this is true. That I'm not any of the things I said. And funny thing is that, that someone, should be none other than me.

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