It's 3:14 in the morning, and here I am blogging because I am still wide awake with plenty of mixed emotions that I desperately need to let out. Plus, I haven't blogged for 2 weeks now due to my newest addiction - DA (deviantART). I just got home from another night out with friends. After work, we went to Cagayan de Oro's infamous Night Cafe. At the city's center, we have a plaza, and every weekend, they would close the roads in the area, and vendors and sellers would spread their wares on the streets forming a sort of bazaar. Ukay-ukay in short. By the time we got out of the hospital, it was past midnight and most of the stalls were half empty. It was time for them to pack up. Nevertheless, we wandered through the remaining stalls and dug through the piles of clothes, bags, and shoes. My friend was able to buy a bag that cost P100. We then went to McDonald's for Coke Floats, ice cream, and fries. *Sigh* All that exercise just went right out the window! I came home at about 2:30am.
Now, I live in a very, very big place, which makes it hard for anyone to here if someone is at the door. After the cab left, I pounded on the gate for about 10 minutes. I wasn't surprised to find that no one heard me. So, I took out my phone and dialled my sister's number. I was gonna have to ask her to open the gate for me. Much to my horror, I couldn't reach her phone. Now, I didn't wanna have to call my mom or dad. I wanted to avoid AT ALL COSTS, any form of scolding or talking to. So I did what any red-blooded woman would do in desperate times.
I climbed over the gate.
Past all the bushes, the spikes and the electric wires, yes I climbed over our huge, metal gate - successfully! I might add. I got a small cut in my finger for that, though. It wasn't my first time to sneak around at night, but it was my first time to actually climb over a gate. I felt like I was breaking in! Even so, I think it was actually pretty cool. I felt pretty good, like I just overcame a great obstacle - which I actually did, literally.
I've been living life pretty carelessly, these days. And I have the scars to prove it. Within a span of 3 weeks, I have had a bruised knee from jetskiing, a swollen foot from skim boarding, very dark and sunburnt shoulders from going to the beach 4 times in a row, bug bites all over from the same reason, a scar on my right hand for being careless in the ICU, and the winner.. ding ding ding! A dog's bite/scratch mark on my right leg. I have had 3 skin tests already (a sensitivity test wherein they inject a small amount of the drug just underneathe the topmost layer of the skin). It is the most PAINFUL THING IN THE WORLD! I still have, oh.. about 4 more injections to go. I maybe a nurse, but needles still scare me a bit, especially when they're pointed at me.
Oh and did I mention? I also have an aching heart. He's gone now. Well, I made him go. But hearing him cry -- it was even more painful than the 3 skin tests combined. I felt rotten to the core. I know he feels worse.
Incubus sang, "Love hurts, but sometimes it's a good hurt. It makes me feel alive." All these scars I have, they do hurt (especially the injections), but I feel incredibly alive. They're like a breath of fresh air! Especially because they feel like an adventure. This heartache I'm feeling, it makes me alive alright. It makes me feel... human.
God, I miss him.