08.27.09

It’s been a little more than a week since we last talked. We’ve officially set the record. It’s the longest time so far we’ve gone without any form of communication. I didn’t dare call or text him again, not even his friends, though I’ve been itching to know how he is now, for fear that the spell might break and I’ll have to start over again. I cried so hard that day – that day I asked for a break. I felt as though I was falling apart. But I didn’t cry for me. I cried for him. I knew how much he loved me. But I also knew that I could never be as sure for him as he was towards me. Right now, my life is going on the way it always does. After 8 months apart, I’ve gotten used to living on my own, without him. But now that we’re no longer talking, we’re no longer together, the realization is numbing. I’ve been keeping myself busy, but from time-to-time, loneliness would set in and gnaw at the edges of my heart. I would think of him, think of all things I still wanted to share, and all the things that I could no longer be a part of. I so wanted to see him reach his dream. I’ve always been one to pick a fight with him. I always opposed his ideas, and I was never generous in giving compliments. I knew he resented that in me. But I always believed that he was meant for great things. He has THE talent. He’s a brilliant, brilliant man. I just know that he is going to make it far in life and in music. Seeing his pictures in facebook, his band’s accomplishments, all the beautiful comments people made, it makes me so proud of him. But I can’t be a part of that now, can I? In the future maybe, our roads might cross, and we might start over. But for now, I can only pray that he would always be ok and healthy and well, and that he would finally reach his dream, and be happy always.