Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The end

“Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why must all good things come to an end?” Yes, please Nelly. Tell me why.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Looking back, those 3 years were the best and worst of my life. (so far, anyway.) He was my very first, and I was his first, as well. I was 19 at the time, a sophomore in college. He was 21, a music student, a senior and a transferee. The first stages of our relationship were very awkward and clumsy. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. And I guess, neither did he. It was all very fast. For the first few months, we were crazy in love. We never fought, we were always getting along and stuff. And then reality hit. The rest is history.

We were two VERY different people, inside and out. From the big things like our personalities, goals, dreams, perspectives, values, principles – to the small things like music, clothes, and people – Different, with a capital D. Him being a musician/artist may have something to do with that. Or maybe it’s because he’s Filipino and I’m Chinese. My parents didn’t approve of our relationship, as do so many other Chinese families. I know they don’t mean to discriminate. The cultural gap really is huge. Believe me, I know. Still..

Anyway, I managed to lie low and keep the whole thing under wraps. He was an amazing person. He truly was different from other guys -- not that I had any to compare him with. Still, there really was something about him. First and foremost, he was genuine, real. What you see is what you get. He never changed from beginning to end. Also, He had this very intense personality. There was so much fire in him, so much passion. And it showed, especially in his music. He was very talented, a brilliant man and a true artist. But he was never arrogant -- well, only to me.

That amount of fire in him also meant that he had a fiery temper. My god! He could breathe fire, that one. He was fiercely loyal, and was never afraid to stand up for what he believed in. He was a guy, who actually knew who he was, what he wanted, and where he wanted to go. He knew what he was worth. But despite all that fierceness to him, he was also very kooky. He had all these crazy ideas. He made stupid jokes, skipped classes, fooled around, had this happy-go-lucky air to him, that would just make you sigh and say, boys will be boys.

He loved me. He was always there. He really took care of me. I hate to admit it, but he was always the one who forgave, who understood, who would just sigh and say ok. And he was never afraid to tell me how he felt. Hell, he’s an artist! He was as sweet and charming as they come.

I learned so much from him. I was never the same person. It was just amazing how much I grew after 3 years. I mean, it’s nothing drastic, nothing revolutionary. I was just way too naive back then. When I was with him, I felt like I saw the world for the first time.

And now? I’m experiencing my very first break-up. It sucks.

1 comment:

  1. oh-kay. i feel like a total alien since i just found out about this "situation" right now.

    i'm so sorry marj bebe. i hate that we're islands apart thus i cannot smother you with chest crushing hugs. you were there for me during my first break up and i could only wish i could return the favor.

    yeah, it sucks. but it'll get better. there will be lots of forward and backslides but you'll get your momentum to propel to the state of being fine. or better, BETTER.